Valentine’s Day and Side Piece Day (the day after Valentine’s Day have come and gone and while love and romance may still be lingering along with the stench of BS, that accompanies Side Piece Day, I feel hella comfortable having a serious conversation.
As a courtesy of your observance of “love day,” I opted out of sharing my two cents or maybe I should say fifty cents because some of you single ladies had me ready to get the strap. Listen, sis, being single on Valentine’s Day or any day is not the end of the world.
Being single is especially significant when you consider the drama that many women encounter courtesy of toxic relationships. While you are wasting time and energy worrying about being in a relationship solely for the sake of saying you have a valentine or are attached to someone, women are praying for the drama of their relationships to cease (been there done that) or planning their exit route from a situation-ship that forced them to be number two or three on someone’s roster (been here too). Then you have those that are empowered enough to consciously uncouple, for whatever reason. So please understand that being single may have been the best Valentine’s Day gift ever.
Now before I go any further, let me be clear, I am not shading love, Valentine’s Day or relationships in general: I am here for all three when they are done correctly. I also have to state something that should be obvious, while Valentine’s Day is about love, love exceeds Valentine’s Day. I know most people see this day as being all about romantic love, but Valentine’s Day is about all love. Oh and, love is not about flowers, stuffed animals, or jewelry; it is an emotional connection that is so much greater than one day on the calendar and cheesy ass gifts. Yes, love is a feeling, but it evokes actions, it produces joy, and it demands respect, every day, and if that is missing from your relationship, you might as well thug it out alone.
The issue is that society has made being single a bad thing for women, and because so many women buy into society’s bull-ish, they feel inadequate without a relationship. Please note that I said, “a bad thing for women” because men are praised for being single while dividing and conquering thighs and everything in between those thighs. Girl, society is the same “they” that says women can’t maintain friendships with one another, black women are angry, and that size makes you beautiful. The point I am trying to make is that “they” don’t have a clue.
Honestly, being single on Valentine’s Day creates the perfect opportunity for you to focus on the most essential love, self-love. I said it before and I will repeat it, no love trumps self-love. Self-love creates a foundation that every relationship you have is built on, and without it, your relationships are it romantic or otherwise, will lack stability. I think that all women wrestle with self-love at some point; because we aren’t taught to love ourselves the way we are taught to love others. Growing up, girls are taught to be responsible for everyone but themselves. Be a good wife, be a good mother, be a good friend, and a good daughter, but we are never urged to be kind to ourselves. Why? Because that is selfish and being selfish is wrong, or is it?
My truth is that it wasn’t until I learned to love myself that I was able to be happy in a relationship. I, like many other women, was a walking statistic that proved individuals who lack self-love tend to be unlucky romantically. I housed insecurities that lead to jealousy and a host of other problematic issues. I felt like an F*^k boy magnet because I found myself in one dead-end situation after another with men who only brought drama and disappointment to the table. I tell women all the time, some of these men only have d*&k and dynamite to offer and most times homeboy is fresh out of dynamite. Then I realized I was the problem; men treated me like I wasn’t a priority because I treated myself like I wasn’t a priority. Their lack of love was a reflection of my lack of love for myself, among other things.
So yeah, Valentine’s Day is tough for a lot of single ladies who want to delight in the bells and whistles of “love day.” You may feel slighted by the absence of romantic love, and you may have the desire to serve up some sexiness for that special someone.
Trust me; I get it! I just want you to digest the fact that self-love makes room for all of this and it eliminates so much drama.
I guarantee that self-love will shine a light on you that will be undeniable and before long, you will either meet your match or be so happy with you that having a bae won’t make or break you.