The following is an excerpt from Sarah Jakes’ (Bishop T.D. Jakes youngest daughter) new inspirational memoir Lost & Found: Finding Hope In the Detours Of Life in which she opens up about becoming pregnant at fourteen, being the topic of gossip and hearsay, a failed marriage and her spiritual healing journey.
It’s easy to blame my heartbreak on him, but no one was more responsible than I was. I had been disappointed when I got pregnant at thirteen and gave birth at fourteen. I was upset when I dropped out of college. I tried so long not to be a statistic, but the expectations were too much and I quit. I didn’t want to be a disappointment to myself again, a quitter, someone who couldn’t keep fighting for her marriage. I didn’t want to risk failing again, so I had stayed with someone who expected nothing from me while I expected everything from him. I thought that by exceeding his nonexistent expectations I would inspire him to attempt to meet at least some of mine.
It was as if I was intent on speaking Italian when all he could understand was Spanish. My language never reached his ears because he didn’t want to learn the vocabulary required to understand the message of my love. I had foolishly assumed that with love came loyalty and respect. But those three are so distinct that it’s a disservice to bundle them all together within four little letters. I had never accepted love that didn’t come with loyalty. I couldn’t understand it and this upset me. I was mad at him for not speaking the language of love that he’d never bothered to learn. I hadn’t experienced enough to understand that sometimes too much is lost in translation. Both people have to want to communicate to create their conversation.