Ladies, I hate to break it to you, but when men accept Jesus Christ as Lord of our lives, we do not lose the desire for a physically attractive mate. Sorry. Unless you were born yesterday, you should know that men are visual beings. We’re attracted to pretty things and shiny objects (not unlike little kids) that look good; that’s the way God built us. You’re going to have to deal with this characteristic for the rest of your life, so if you haven’t already, start getting used to it.
It seems as if the church (when I say, “the church” I don’t mean necessarily an organization, but more so Christians in general) asks us to look past the physical in order to “find a good thing.” Should I, as a Christian man, have to settle for a less than attractive woman because of the fact that I am saved? Does my love for Christ somehow eclipse my desire to have a beautiful wife? Should I settle for someone with a “great personality” because they love Christ and know their purpose? I think not.
I hear a lot of ladies say, “I have a lot to offer,” or, “I have a great personality,” or, “Why aren’t men approaching me?” and I honestly don’t know what to say other than, “they’re not attracted to you.” Maybe it’s a physical thing, maybe not, but regardless, a man is not going to be interested in pursuing you if he doesn’t find you attractive. Deal with it. All the unsaved women of the world are. What makes you any different?
I know plenty of women that are absolutely stunning from a purely physical perspective. The fact that they are serious about walking out the purposes and calling of God only serves to make them more attractive. Would they be attractive to most men if they weren’t believers? Yes. Does their faith make them more attractive? Generally speaking, yes, but from an exclusively physical perspective, no. I just don’t see a reason why a woman can’t be both saved and sexy, a believer and a bombshell.
Is it shallow? I don’t know… what do you think?
Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you don’t enjoy looking at? You realize you have to roll over and look at this person every morning in all of their ‘glory,’ right? And you’re ok with that person being less than desirous? If so, you deserve a freaking medal (or you’re a woman). I, along with most people I know, wouldn’t be able to handle it. But don’t let me stop you! If you want to be with an ugly person (let’s just call it what it is) then have at it. I don’t think anyone will stop you and there are plenty for you to choose from.
Are all men so into external appearances?
No, there are some guys who are ok being with an ugly woman. Seriously. They’re normally blind though.
Now, I know we’re all God’s children and true beauty is on the inside and you can’t judge a book by it’s cover and yada yada yada. Cue the tiny violins. All I’m saying is this: Take some pride in your appearance! I have never said you have to spend ridiculous money on clothes, nor do you have to be a single digit size. Take care of yourself, be healthy, and treat yourself right. Just care about how you look. That’s what we’re asking for. It’s amazing what a hot pair of shoes and a great dress will do for the attention a person gets (and for their self esteem too).
Isn’t love blind? Shouldn’t we look at what’s on the inside?
Some women got saved and threw their style & sense of good personal appearance (and hygiene) right out the door. Oh, I know, it’s because God looks at the heart, right? Right. Sure. Fine. I’ll tell you what: get your heart right for God & get your looks right so you can get scooped up by a man! There is NO reason you shouldn’t want to have yourself looking healthy fly and put together (except for low self esteem, but that’s another post all together). And please don’t stop caring about your appearance once you’ve been found (that’s right, BE found). Honestly, you should be concerned with your look more AFTER you get a man than you did beforehand. Why? Because at that point you are a representation of him, his family, and his legacy. If you genuinely cared about your man, you wouldn’t want anything to reflect poorly on him, especially if it was something you have the power change.
So you want some Biblical backing? Go read Song of Solomon. Do you think that’s a book about 2 people who aren’t physically attracted to each other? Looking at the way he describes his woman, there is no way he isn’t awestruck at her beauty.
I think it’s important to understand that things happen and physical appearances change. I get that, but life shouldn’t stop you from taking care of yourself. What I’m referring to here is the physical attraction that peaks your interest to the point where you’d like to investigate pursuing a relationship. Ultimately, the qualities and characteristics of a woman’s personality should win out, but that’s not always the case. Don’t write off the physical aspect of attraction. Or, perhaps, write it off and see where it gets you.
[For more from Stuart McDonald, check out his personal blog and follow him on Twitter]
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